


Head Above Water

by ThisMasterpieceIsOnlyMine



Category: American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, I just wanted to explore this side of Misty, Im so sorry y'all, Post-misty's return from hell, Pre-Relationship, i really have to stop hurting my favorite cajun baby angel, then this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 08:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19169785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisMasterpieceIsOnlyMine/pseuds/ThisMasterpieceIsOnlyMine
Summary: Misty struggles with an internal conflict shortly after returning from Hell, and Cordelia is willing to do (almost) anything to help her through.





	Head Above Water

**Author's Note:**

> I felt compelled to write a little something exploring Misty's spiritual/religious side after listening to this song a bunch, since that's not something we as a fandom tend to think or write about too much! 
> 
> Based on/inspired heavily by "Head Above Water" by Avril Lavigne.

Cordelia ran from room to room at the academy, searching frantically for that unmistakable cascade of blonde curls or a flash of a brightly coloured shawl amongst the common areas and the girls' rooms. She hadn't seen Misty for hours, and was beginning to worry since it was now long past dinnertime, and Misty _never_ skipped a meal despite still being in recovery from her ordeal in hell.  
  
"Misty?" She tried, poking her head in the last few bedrooms, "Has anyone seen Misty?" She finally asked in a panicked, wavering voice when she found herself faced with her council, Zoe and Queenie, back in her office. Both girls shook their heads, standing at the ready to help their Supreme search for the missing girl.  
  
"No, Cordelia, not for a few hours now... We assumed she was with you out in the greenhouse, she had a pretty rough night..." Zoe said softly, cocking an eyebrow at Queenie and gesturing for her to continue the story. Cordelia echoed the expression, urging Queenie to explain what had happened to Misty overnight.  
  
"Queenie? What is 'she had a rough night' supposed to mean?"  
  
"She hardly slept... Woke up yelling a couple times... I offered to go get you or bring her to you, but she insisted she didn't wanna be a bother, said she's been back two months and it's about time she dealt on her own and didn't bug you with her problems."  
  
"It's not... _God, Misty_... It's not a problem, she's never a problem. Where did she go, did she say? I told her if she wanted to, she could ask and I would take her to the swamp, it's too far too walk and she's still too fragile to transmutate... _Fuck_..."  
  
Cordelia dropped her head to her hands and let out a groan, upset that Misty hadn't come to her about her struggling, and had chosen to deal with it on her own. It broke Cordelia's heart that Misty felt like she was being a bother to her, since she wanted nothing more than to be by Misty's side to help her recover and get back to her wonderful, free-spirited self after all that she had been through.  
  
"Cordelia?" A small voice spoke up after a few moments. Cordelia looked up to see Zoe had been the one to speak, looking at her with a hopeful glint in her eyes.  
  
"Yes, Zoe?"  
  
"Didn't we put that tracking app on all of our phones? The one the girls can't turn off? Her phone isn't on her bed or in her room, she must have it with her." She suggested, and Cordelia breathed an audible sigh of relief at the realization.  
  
"Yeah... Yeah, we did! Oh, Zoe, what would I do without you?!" Cordelia lit up as she immediately opened the app on her own phone, scrolling through the list of devices she had locations for and finding _Misty's Phone_ near the bottom of it, clicking on it and waiting for the map to load.  
  
"Hello? I'm the one who suggested it in the first place! Where's my credit?" Queenie teasingly quipped, gently though and with a smile so as not to upset Cordelia further.  
  
"Of course, Queenie, you too! Thank you both for always keeping my head on straight when I think I have no other choice but to lose it." She amended softly, smiling warmly at both girls.  
  
She could have cried when the map finally completed loading in on her screen and she saw the pin with Misty's name overlapping the bright green one (Misty's choice, " _To match the gators_ " she'd said, along with flashing the sweetest smile Cordelia had ever seen) that indicated the location of her cottage in the swamps. Jumping up instantly and snatching her sweater and a spare for Misty from the back of her chair--- In case they needed it as night quickly fell and the temperature dropped--- She quickly recited some orders for the night to her council and promised to be back by morning, slamming the door behind her and starting her car in a blur.  
  
Cordelia drove for what felt like hours to the swamps outside of the city, trying to calm herself down and come up with something to say to Misty upon finding her again, wondering what she could possibly do or say to make Misty truly believe that she wasn't being a bother when she needed help, that she really could come to her at any time of day or night and it wouldn't make Cordelia think any less of her, or see her any differently for needing help while she recovered.  
  
Pulled out of her thoughts for a moment almost all the way through her drive, Cordelia groaned out loud and smacked the steering wheel in frustration; The skies had opened up and had begun pouring rain that beat down heavily against her windows and made it all the more difficult to see throughout the final few minutes of her drive. Inhaling once more to brace herself against the wind and rain when she arrived Cordelia jumped out of the car and began to run as fast as she could through the all too familiar trail to the cottage at the edge of the swamp, barely looking at where she was going until she had to stop, a breath-stealing ache in her chest rendering her unable to run for a few moments. The ache was soon followed by a recognizable warmth that invaded the space around her heart, wrapping around her soul and seeming to latch onto her.  
  
_Misty's magic_.  
  
She looked up and realized the cottage had come into view, she was close. Misty was close.  
  
That feeling and the sight of her home was all Cordelia needed for her adrenaline to kick into high gear and she sprinted faster than an Olympic athlete the rest of the way, arriving at Misty's door and ready to barge in when a sight through the open window next to it made her stop in her tracks, when she was finally mostly protected from the rain underneath the eave of the building.  
  
There was minimal light inside the cottage, but what Cordelia _could_ make out in the dim light of the vintage lamps that lined the edges of Misty's shack was who she knew was Misty herself, curled up in a heap on the floor with her knees underneath her, her dress and hair splayed out in all directions.  
  
Cordelia grew concerned for a moment at the sight, but watching for a few more minutes she picked up on Misty's back rising and falling with uneven breaths, and every so often she looked up from the floor at something on the wall above her.  
  
Her gaze followed the same trail Misty's just had, and her heart stopped and the breath vanished from her body when she saw the aged wooden cross that hung between two vintage framed Fleetwood Mac concert posters. Misty was praying towards it, and judging by the unevenness of the air in her lungs she was desperate for God, or someone, to hear what she was asking.  
  
Cordelia hadn't known Misty to be religious in the first of her two lifetimes that they had known each other, recognizing that religion had been the justification behind Misty's death in the first place, and once she found her way to the coven she had never indicated that she wanted to keep up any connection to the church or her childhood beliefs after what the congregation she'd grown up in had done to her.  
  
_She's hurting, and it's bad. She would have been taught that when it got this bad the best place to go was to God._  
  
"Oh, Misty..." Cordelia sighed out loud, and the words brought an ache to her throat and tears to her eyes, mingling with the rain that had now soaked her skin through to the bone.  
  
Despite being drenched and developing a chill, though, Cordelia couldn't will herself to go inside and interrupt Misty's prayers, no matter how badly she wanted to burst into the living room and hold her close, to tell her that it would all be alright and that they could work through her pain. She couldn't bear for Misty to feel any more conflicting feelings, or like Cordelia was trying to take her away from her personal beliefs that were oh so clearly still present in her.  
  
Eventually Cordelia couldn't handle any more of the heartwrenching sight, casting a quick silencing spell so that Misty wouldn't spook when she finally got the guts to twist the doorknob and enter the cottage, waiting patiently against the wall in the darkness of the porch as Misty continued her desperate pleas.  
  
"God, please... Help me to stop feelin' like this... I can't go back down there, _please_... I know I haven't been the best of your children, but I can change... I _swear it_. I promise I'll change, Father... Take away my powers, do whatever you need to, I don't _care_ anymore... I don't wanna be like this anymore, I _can't_ be like this anymore. It _hurts_... Please, Father, make it stop hurtin'. I'll do _anythin'_... I'll do whatever it is you ask of me." She pleaded into the carpet, a violent sob ripping from her throat following the words.  
  
Cordelia couldn't handle it, hearing _her_ Misty, who had always been so proud of her powers and her ability to give life back when it was taken too soon, begging to have that extraordinary gift taken away so she could stop hurting after all the ways it had made her suffer in her young life.  
  
A hand flew to her mouth as a sob of her own left her at the string of thoughts that passed through her mind's eye: Misty giving up on her powers; Misty leaving the academy for good; Misty unable to say goodbye to her as she abandoned her life as a witch for a life on her own in seclusion without magic... It was all too much.  
  
Working quickly Cordelia lifted the silencing spell she had cast and made her way across the room at the same time, wrapping both of her arms around her precious, wonderful Misty and holding her warmly, shushing her when she jumped in surprise at the unexpected contact.  
  
"It's okay, my love, it's me... You're safe, it's alright..." She soothed, beginning to rock Misty gently. She completely shattered at the sound of Cordelia's soft voice above her, letting distraught, quiet cries out into the leg of her pants once Misty dragged herself a little ways up off the floor to lay in Cordelia's lap, defeated.  
  
"But it's _not_ , Delia." She responded, still shaking, "It's not _alright_ , how can you fuckin' say that to me?! How _dare_ you?! I'm not alright, can't you see that?! _Nothin'_ will be okay as long as I'm still like this! I'll just go back to hell again once this is all over! I can't be a witch anymore, I don't _want_ to be this way anymore! I'm _tired_!" She straightened up and moved away from Cordelia's arms around her as she began to yell, and Cordelia winced at the sudden change in volume.  
  
Misty quickly registered what she had done and who she had raised her voice at, flushing deep red with shame.  
  
"'M sorry... I'm so sorry..." She apologized, laying back down against Cordelia's chest and sighing softly when she wrapped her arms around her once more. "It's not your fault I'm like this, I shouldn't have yelled at ya. I'm just... So exhausted. I'm not gettin' any better, the talk therapy and the spendin' time with you in the greenhouse ain't doin' anythin', Dee... It makes me happy in the moment, but then a few hours later when I'm all alone 'm just as sad again. I'm just as stuck as I was down there. I don't wanna die again, but... But I can't live like this no more. Please... Isn't there anythin' you can do? You can change me, right? You're the Supreme... You could transfer my power to you or somethin'... Like Fiona was tryin' to do when I met ya. _Please_ , Dee, _help me_..." She begged.  
  
Cordelia's heart shattered at the sound of Misty's pleading directly to her and the sight of her tear-filled, big blue puppy eyes boring into her soul, struggling to keep it together as she came up with a response to the words that Misty wouldn't resent her too much for.  
  
"Hey, no, don't apologize, sweetheart. I understand, I know you're suffering. I know it hurts, honey. But, Misty..." She began, and before she could continue Misty's head shot up and she glared at Cordelia, silently challenging her to decline her plea for mercy. Cordelia sighed at the look, doing her best to put on her authoritative Supreme voice, but still keep the softness she reserved just for Misty.  
  
"No, Misty, don't give me that look. Honey, I _can't_. I can help you, we can do everything we can to make you better, but I can't take your powers from you, it's too risky. There are so many awful side-effects... You _could_ die if I attempted that, Misty. Or worse, you would be left to live the rest of your days with just a void for a soul if it went wrong. Even if you're willing to take that chance, if that's a possibility you'd be willing to accept, I just _couldn't_. I couldn't live with myself if you died, or worse, at my hands, even if you asked it of me... Not again. Please, don't make me harm you. Don't make me tear apart that beautiful soul just to ease your pain... We can fix this in other ways, I promise you. We can heal you, but I _refuse_ to bring you harm. Do you hear me? I'm not going to take the life you know away from you and make you a shell of the incredible woman you are. You don't deserve to walk through the rest of your life completely empty. We can do this, you're such a fighter... My brave girl... My beautiful, brave girl..." Cordelia cooed to her softly now, lips brushing lightly against her temple as she spoke and wrapped golden curls loosely around her fingers. "We _can_ get through this. Do you trust me?"  
  
Misty nodded frantically, tears wildly streaming down her face again at Cordelia's protests to her heartaching request, and the feeling of her lips against her temple and her hands softly working through her hair. "I do, of course I do. 'M sorry, I won't ask again... I just wanna stop the hurt so badly, Dee... What else is there to do? It feels like we've tried everythin'."  
  
"I know, honey, I know you do." She soothed, pressing soft kisses repeatedly onto the crown of her head, "We'll come up with a plan, a really solid one that's tailored to you to help you heal in all of the ways that you know work for you. Starting with this place... Would you like to make a schedule to take breaks from the academy, maybe stay out here for a few days or a week at a time? I know you thrive out here, but would making it a more semi-permanent living arrangement feel good? Instead of not knowing when the next time you'd get to visit would be and having to run out here all of a sudden only when you get sad?"  
  
Misty nodded at the questions, smiling wistfully at the thought of being able to move back out to the swamps.  
  
"Yeah, yeah... I like the sound of that. But I... I can't be without you, though." She admitted, blushing deeply. "Sleepin' next to you helps so much... I thought I could do it when I moved back in with Queenie, that I was ready, but the nightmares just came back... Would you come stay, maybe once a week or somethin'... If you can?"  
  
Cordelia could tell that Misty was holding back on the request, not wanting to be selfish or needy in asking her to stay longer than she could amongst all of her Supreme and Headmistress duties.  
  
"I'd spend the rest of my life sleeping next to you if it helped to ease your mind." Cordelia soothed, beginning to tangle her fingers a little further amongst Misty's wild curls, stroking the lengths in that way she knew always brought her comfort without fail. A small, sweet noise fell from her lips as she gave in to the movement, closing her eyes and letting her entire body relax into the embrace, and Cordelia's heart felt as though it would explode at the softness and the innocence of the sound. She didn't care if the words she was saying were too much or too romantically fuelled, she just wanted for Misty to feel comforted by the thought of her presence beside her.  
  
After a few moments of blissful silence, she continued softly, "I could come with you every time, if you wanted me to? Or whenever you ask me to, so I'm not breathing down your neck when you just need the time to be alone? Don't worry about asking me to stay with you for however long you need me, all of my work can be done remotely when it's urgent, and if it's not it can always wait a few days until I'm home again. You're my priority from now on, alright? Does... Does this help, too? Reconnecting with God? What if, to start off this new, better version of recovery, instead of asking Him to change you we started to pray for something different every morning? Like for your strength to get through day by day?"  
  
"I... Okay--- Wait. What d'you mean, _we_?" Misty asked, perplexed by the way Cordelia had phrased the proposition. She only smiled at the questioning and Misty's cocked eyebrow, planting another soft kiss to her adorably wrinkled forehead.  
  
"I could pray with you sometimes, if you'd like." She explained, "Or I could just be here with you while you speak to God, to support you and help keep you strong. You could teach me a few prayers or verses, too, if you wanted... Ones that I could recite to you as you're falling asleep at night to bring you peace, anything that helps to ease your mind. I want you to be able to be yourself to the fullest around me, and that includes the things that have been in you since you were a child being raised by the word of the Bible. I know you think that being a witch and being connected to God have to be separate at all times, that maybe it's offensive to love both equally, but it's not. It's not to me, at least. I would be more than happy and honored to get to know that side of you, if you'd let me. You shouldn't have to sacrifice one part of yourself to help the rest to thrive."  
  
"Oh, Delia..." A soft sniffle came when Misty paused for a moment, and she giggled at herself for being so emotional at every little thing Cordelia said. "Thank you... That means so much to me, you have no idea. I was always afraid... You're right, I didn't want anyone at the academy to take offense to my bein' of these two different worlds, or think I was tryin' to be pushy about my faith... Especially not you. My beliefs have brought me so much pain for bein' a witch, but they're still there, y'know? Deep inside me, no matter what I always find myself still talkin' to God and askin' him for help through things."  
  
"I think that's beautiful. You have the most beautiful heart of anyone I've ever known, you have so much room in there for so much love and light, it amazes me every single day. You shouldn't be ashamed or scared of sharing your faith, alright? Even if I don't understand all of it, you can still come to me and I'll do my best to learn as we go. Your health and continued recovery is what matters the most to me, and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure we can get there. You're my best friend, Misty."  
  
She had planned on continuing with more, but as the final five words left her lips Cordelia felt as though the phrase was enough, and Misty knew what all was contained inside the short and simple declaration of their bond.  
  
It was _I love you for everything you are_.  
  
It was _I'll protect you unconditionally._  
  
It was _I'll hold you when you need me to_.  
  
It was _I'll stay with you no matter what_ and a million more silent promises all rolled into one, and Cordelia hoped Misty heard all of the unspoken promises amongst the single one she'd verbalized.  
  
Misty nodded softly against her chest, hugging Cordelia just a little tighter at the words she spoke. She understood, and she had heard her loud and clear. "You're my best friend, too. Thank you for comin' to find me, to help me... Thank you for talkin' me down and sayin' no to takin' my powers away. I don't really want that, I'm thankful for all I can do at the end of the day, it's just..."  
  
"I know, sweetheart, I know. It's hard, when the one thing that everyone tells you makes you special is the one thing that seems to also be the cause of every bad thing you've ever experienced." She comforted, having felt very similar things throughout her entire life being the daughter of a corrupt Supreme.  
  
"I love you, Delia." Misty responded simply, understanding the deeper meaning to Cordelia's words and just wanting her to know that she did love her; She deserved to hear it after so long of being bullied and belittled by so many others throughout her entire life.  
  
Cordelia smiled at the words, flicking a finger to ignite the fireplace beside them and summoning a blanket up off of the bed across the room to lay across them, helping them both to dry off and warm up together.  
  
"I love you too, Misty."  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments and your thoughts are hugely appreciated as always, I love reading them! ♡ This one means a lot to me, I've worked and reworked it so much and I hope I did the concept justice. 🙈
> 
> If you have anything else you'd like to see from me or you just wanna say hi, come shoot me a message on Tumblr @thismasterpieceis0nlymine 😊😊


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